On the lighter side~

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.
The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

He he! That was a good one.

Lovisa wrote:

He he! That was a good one.

Here's another good one. Enjoy.


A man on his way home from work came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me Officer, what's the hold up?"
The Officer replies, "It's Hillary Clinton, she just found out she was falling behind Donald Trump in the polls and she's depressed. She stopped her motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire if she doesn't get enough donations to buy more advertising and reach more people. So I'm walking around taking up a collection for her."
"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
"There are a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now we have about three hundred gallons or so."

I laughed! And that's a good sign!

Haha!!! Those are great! I always love stories with a twist.

At a motivational seminar 3 men are asked to come up to the stage. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

Hehehe, ran across these two this morning. Had to share.





  especially for the bottom one.

Is the bottom one invisible?  Is that the joke? Heheh.
 I was going to ask if the censor police got it, but around here that would be you!  LOL

I can see it just fine. Just in case though I've downloaded the image and re-posted it below as a file from my computer. That should make it show up for you.

Ah, there it is! haha! and ewww.

And in about the worst case of synchronicity evah!  I got this in my email about the same time~

Is Your Toilet Paper Secretly Destroying Your Prostate Health?

Supposedly it's a real issue!  (talk about everything working against us)~
https://www.advancedbionutritionals.com/Prostate-Supplements/Destroying-Your-Prostate-Health.htm?svp_code=ABFSVMEC17&utm_source=House&utm_medium=PRIMARY&utm_campaign=ABFSVMEC17#link

Hehehehe . . . with Vault7 CIA (caught in act) Wikileaks in the top news this cartoon is ripe with mirth. I got a good laugh from it.

Just too juicy to pass up.    Lawyer, Lawyer, pants on fire!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Defense lawyer's pants catch fire during arson trial

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/03/09/defense-lawyers-pants-catch-fire-during-arson-trial.html

Quote :

Jurors trying to assess the truthfulness of defense lawyer Stephen Gutierrez's closing arguments in an arson trial Wednesday may have been dismayed to notice that his pants were literally on fire.

Witnesses say the lawyer had to flee the Miami courtroom with smoke billowing from his pocket, the Miami Herald reports.

When he returned, the lawyer, who'd been seen fiddling in his pocket, blamed a faulty e-cigarette battery.

Gutierrez said the pocket blaze wasn't an attempt to demonstrate the innocence of his client, who was accused of setting his own car on fire.

Stop me before I kill again!!!

The 'I never spied' got passed around.  Loved it.

New England has a storm coming, and maybe 2.  I don't know if this is a 'storm ritual' everywhere, but it's dead on for here.  Everybody says it, everybody does it! Every time!
I mean if you neglect to do THIS...you have every reason to be afraid, very afraid!  

To anyone who has ever had to call in sick I present - "A sick note to end all sick notes".  

OR

You think YOU had a bad day at work today?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FGSbgeuwhU

Settlement… Lawyer and the three kick rule
An Atlanta lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Georgia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the Tennessee Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Tennessee Three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The big-city attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick to the shin had the lawyer hopping around on one foot when suddenly the farmer planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to pass out. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some kind of a sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport property. Just as it begins to look as though the plane will plow straight into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines and books, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
Meanwhile, in the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, 'You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die!'

Hillary phoned the President's office shortly after midnight.
“I need to talk to the president, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary.
After some cajoling, the President's assistant agreed to wake him up.
“So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled Trump.
“ A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.”, begged Hillary.
“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary.”, replied President Trump.

Darwin award material . . . .

or

we are the Borg, you will be assimilated, resistance is futile material . . . .

or

caught in the matrix material . . . .

or

just pain stupid???

You decide!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x64RQiFxOyg

We did it again, Researcher.  I'm sure I've never called anyone a BORG prior to two days ago.  LOL.

But The Book of Philodendrons has never crossed my mind.

So, who's in whose head and are we safe there?  heehee.  Maybe we should try a little cross-country
'what am I thinking of right now'?   I have something in mind if you want to take a guess.  Hint: it's
a particular 'floral' song.  First guess has the best chance.  Anything pop in?

Tiptoe through the tulips?

You want the Tiny Tim version or the Gold Diggers of Broadway (1929) version?

Oh heck, have 'em both.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcSlcNfThUA


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZMHJX4b9bU

Tiny Tim

ALRIGHT!!!   The top one was the one I rushed to yt to watch to have a visual in my mind! LOL.   Then I came back, typed his name on this post and filed it in drafts so we'd have a time stamp verification.(If that even worked???)I'm thinking now it didn't.

But anyway...very cool!  You got it! 

But.....what does that meeeeaaaannnn?!?!?  hahaha!  Should we try for world peace or something?   LOL!!!

For world peace, no need us to try. Just pray for the day to come quickly that Yeshua will take care of that in His own way in due time.

I like the 1929 Gold Digger of Broadway version better. Don't (think) I have Tiny Tim's version in my record collection but I do have the original 1929 recording on a 78. That's how I knew about it. Surprised it was on YouTube.

I might be a tad relieved that you don't have the Tiny Tim rendition.  LOL. But that's the one that came to me.   And it was that first video that I pulled up and watched.  It does make me feel that many things are not really OUR ideas at all!  And Blessedly, God has a sense of humor, which I'm always so happy to see and even sometimes participate in.  It lightens the burden of 'watching and waiting'.  Nice going, Brother.  Nice going!

People, in the future please avoid using "Hillary" and "leak" in the same sentence.

researcher wrote:

People, in the future please avoid using "Hillary" and "leak" in the same sentence.

Ugh..I could have gone without seeing that! Still though, lol

Who's feeling a little old . . . .

During a college class a professor, professing that he was an atheist to the class that he was teaching, told them that he was going to prove to them that there is no God.
 
He said, "God, if you are real, I want you to knock me off of this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
 
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God. I'm waiting!"

It got down to the last couple of minutes and a young Marine, just released from being on active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the professor and hit him full force in the face, which sent him tumbling from his platform.
 
The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
 
The Marine replied, "God was busy; so he sent me!"

North Koreans at the disco! Make sure your sound is turned on.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbC6dLG_dQY

Great  job researcher !!   When you said you used a Bee Gee's  song,I thought  it would be this one.

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bcc42d824cf33319220a353a0ab916bbdf9552ea2eb80f30547f48b913c92a54.jpg

HO HO HO 

I can't help myself. This is just too good to not share.

Awesome!  LOL.

On which floor of the fbi is that office at?  They could name a whole wing, no doubt.

Ha ha! It took me a minute ...

HO HO HO
https://imgur.com/a/bvald

researcher wrote:

I can't help myself. This is just too good to not share.

sad....i just figured this out....it took two days

A farmer is plowing his field when he sees a large jet crash, He goes over and finds it is air force one. Being a loyal red blooded American he pulls everyone out and buries them. A while later the secret service shows up and inspects the aircraft remains. Upon discovering there was no body aboard they stop the farmer and ask him where everyone was. The farmer tells them that he buried them. The secret service asked if Obama was dead also. The farmer replies, well he said he wasn't but you know what a liar he is.

So this man knocks on the door and asks for work. The lady of the house said she indeed had some work and told him to paint the porch. He returns in a couple hours and said “I got the porch painted and by the way, it’s a BMW and not a Porch”.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DYQW7BxVwAI9Dep?format=jpg

30 seconds

must not laugh
must not laugh

OHHH SH*******T!!!

            

https://youtu.be/74-WSM0xTyE

On that video:  Nothing that comes to mind is anything I should say.  LOL.

Here's one you'll recognize.

Trump / Merkel stare down at G7 meeting June 2018. Saving here for posterity and the last supper meme below is belly laugh priceless. Had to share that one with y'all.

Why did God make a bottomless pit? He wanted to see how low the fallen ones would go.

This one of Trumps face is even better than the George Bush face made out of arse-holes. I didn't think that the Bush one could ever be topped. Bush one is at the bottom for reference if you haven't seen it. Blow both of 'em up real big for the full effect. Bush one will always apply in my book though.



Here's the original.



Bush - showing exactly what he's made of.

I thought I'd post a link to the pictures and commentary on the little miracle calf I mentioned on another thread.   
 The entire thread is very long and covers different things , so for the calf story see the 12 -11-16 post.  
http://www.nettractortalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14843

I had to register to see the pics.  At least I knew (guessed right) which tractor to pick. 
I watch "Dr. Pol" often to run away from the news.  Isn't it a great thing when the cows just have those babies on their own?  lol.

PS  "BABIES'  is a full fledged cop out.  Is it  'calfs' ? or calves? or something else? LOL.

So I did some reading, see it's calves, yes?

And then I saw this 
Quoting bordercollie  "One thing I remember when we first got these cows, they were leery of our gates with the electric fence wire (insulated) run in pvc on top of the ground... I saw one cow look at it, turn around and walk backwards over it! I guess if you can't see it, it can't hurt you...in cow logic that is..."

FUNNY!  lol!

That's right Dove.   calf is one and more are calves.
 I didn't tell everything about the  miracle calf  on that forum but I had to  put him up in the sling every night because he developed bed sores from the concrete stable floor. His mama would eat the hay out from under him during the night.so he ended up on the concrete rubbing around. Then I had to put hay bales all around him  and a gate in front of that  so she wouldn't eat that hay too. I did have to even prop up his head with another bale so he wouldn't droop during those cold nights. The miracles continued  as I faithfully dosed him up with cleanser and "Lantaseptic" cream. There in the end pictures, he can be seen runnning around. 
   Oh i f you must  ever deliver a calf, always make sure there isn't another one  stuck "in there"  too.  That has sure happened to us so we always make sure now. Before my bil retired last month, my sis and I would have to deliver about one or 2 a year out of 150 . I always always ask the Lord for help  because  it takes all the strength I have and then some from above.  (we have no hired help  ).
 I should also mention that forum on the RTVs is a good,safe one  and the fellow that runs it is much like Researcher. I don't mess with the other side forums there though because they are well... different and have a vast diversity of people and intentions. Thank you  for  your happy comments Dove.    judy